Hey everyone! I apologize for being so quiet around here. I've been focusing a lot on Bible study and family issues. I'm happy to report that all is well!

So today I went through Prayer and Deliverance at my Church. I was there for 3 hours, getting prayed over and delivered from things that have kept me chained down my entire life. I knew going in that today was going to be intense. I didn't know that it was going to be more than just intense: it was going to change everything for me...forever. 
I talked about my childhood traumas of abuse, molestation, neglect, sexual assault, self-hatred, suicide attempts, self-injury, being overly sexual, etc. I named everything and was delivered from it ALL! I forgave my mother, a man who molested me when I was 7, the girl who molested me that same year, and the last woman I was romantically into (we stopped talking a few days before I got saved on March 29th). I was delivered from homosexuality, lust, sexual immorality, anger, being a control freak, a worry wart, and so much more. Some of my physically ailments were also healed. I rededicated myself to Christ in front of my prayer team. In addition to everything else that happened, I signed up to be baptized later this month. I'm going to be meeting with the Prayer team on a regular basis to help strengthen my relationship with God. They also gave me homework (normally I don't like homework, but I like this one). They gave me some prayers for the morning and the evening. I also have prayers in case 'the enemy' attacks me. 

During deliverance, I almost vomited on multiple occasions. I dry heaved to the point where my throat hurt. I purged every evil spirit, immorality, and sin out. I received The Holy Spirit. I also cried A LOT!

I feel so good, and I'm already noticing a difference. I have the most self-control I've ever had in my life. I feel clean and amazing!

I'm grateful to God and I praise Him. I thank Him for my Church, the pastors, and the prayer team. I am so blessed! I highly recommend deliverance! It will change your life! 

Good morning, everyone! It is a crisp and beautiful morning here in my corner of the northeast. The birds are chirping, there are no clouds in the sky, and it is going to be a pretty decent day, temperature-wise. 

Today, I wanted to talk about abstinence. I wanted to use that word, because I am abstaining from more than just sex. It also applies to alcohol, weed, lust, etc.
The more I immerse myself in The Word, the more I realize that I need to honor God with my body. Additionally, I need to stay pure for whomever God has chosen as my husband. Before I was saved, I did have some standards that I lived by. I didn't sleep around. Whenever I was intimate with someone, it was when I was dating them. As I read God's Word, I am realizing that He designed sex to be within marriage, because it is a sacred event. 
One thing that I've struggled with in my life is lust. I've lusted after regular people and celebrities. The Bible said that when you lust after someone in your heart, you are committing adultery. The person you are lusting after may not be your wife or your husband. Additionally, the person you are lusting after could already be married to someone else! Thinking about it in that context has changed everything for me. I no longer lust for anyone. 
Rebecca St. James has a song called "Wait for Me." It talks about how she is waiting for marriage (she has since gotten married and has 3 children). She honored God and her future husband by staying pure until marriage. There is a line in that song that says: "I know you may have made mistakes, but there is Forgiveness and a second chance." I made mistakes by not waiting until marriage. I even have a child out of wedlock (my son's father wanted me to abort my child. I chose life. He left and hasn't been around since). By submitting to God, and accepting Jesus into my heart, I have been forgiven. What matters now is how I live right now. Am I working hard at my relationship with God? Am I staying in The Word? Am I honoring God with my thoughts, my speech, my body, my spirit, reactions, etc? Am I obeying the 10 commandments? Am I living up to God's standard?

Another thing that I've struggled with is alcohol. I would drink when I was depressed, angry, stressed, etc. Drinking is dangerous for me because I take a lot of medication, including Lithium. Alcohol causes Lithium levels to become irregular, and it puts me at risk for toxicity. That can be deadly. I wouldn't drink, like, bottles of wine every night. I would have 2 or 3 glasses after putting my son to bed. After I got saved, I decided to stop drinking for the time being. As I read the Bible and saw several posts about how drunkards do not inherit the Kingdom of God, it scared me to the point where I fully decided to abstain from alcohol permanently. Yes, Jesus did turn water into wine, and the Bible says that it's okay to have a drink here and there. However, in my case, alcohol is too much of a temptation, and I'd rather stay away from it than to slide back into old behaviors.  

When it comes to weed, I was never a smoker. I would drink THC-enhanced seltzer waters. They sell them at my local liquor store (weed is legal in my state). It would relax me to the point where I would want to sleep. It scares me that I would get so exhausted after drinking one seltzer.

I am new in my walk with God, and the enemy has been constantly testing me. I want to have a clear mind so that I can immediately go into prayer when Satan is trying to tempt me. I also want to be able to rest effectively (which I wasn't able to do when I would have a glass of wine. I would be too hot or too cold, and I would toss and turn). 
Being in this walk with God has brought me an abundance of comfort, more than enough comfort where I don't need alcohol or weed (or anything else) to relax. My favorite moments (besides spending time with my son), are when I am sipping tea while reading The Bible. 

A lot of people doubt God's strength and power. As I said in my previous blog post, God created the Heavens and the Earth. He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins. He has delivered people from sexual sin, such as homosexuality. He is a comforter, healer, protector, builder, and so much more. I am so sure and so passionate about my walk with God, that abstaining from all of the above issues is a no-brainer. It's not even a sacrifice. I freely and gladly give it up. 

My Bible app just sent me the verse of the day:
"Don't you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you?" -1 Corinthians 3:16 NLT

God is the ultimate Father. There is a video on YouTube that brings me a lot of comfort. It's a love letter from God:
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On Sunday, it will be two weeks since my life changed forever. In the last few weeks, my walk has changed, my talk has changed, my mind has changed, and my spirit is alive because of Him. I've done this walk so many times before, but this is the first time where I feel God's presence in such a powerful way. He is here, with me, and I feel so much comfort in that. A person I follow on Instagram said that God is the absolute dad. Just as we fear disappointing our earthly father (and I don't mean the 'quivering in your boots' fear. I'm talking about a healthy fear), we don't want to disappoint our Father who created the Heavens and Earth. I have this craving to know Him, so I have been reading my Bible on the daily. 
I have so much gratitude to God for forgiving the immense number of sins I have committed in my life. He freed me from lust. He freed me from homosexuality. He freed me from self-hatred. He freed me from anger. He freed me from improper judgement. He freed me from turning to alcohol when I get overwhelmed. He forgave me for how I treated others. The chains that kept me trapped in sin and fear have been broken, and now I can breathe. Are all my problems over? No. I am tested left and right every day! Satan wants me to come back, and he tempts me like the serpent tested Eve in the garden of Eden. This walk with God is not easy. We have to be in The Word, we have to be mindful of what we see, watch, listen to, and we have to be careful of the people we have in our lives. 

After I was freed from the sin of homosexuality, I ended all my friendships with people in the LGBT community. I don't want them in my life. I will pray for them, but I can't be friends with them (the only exception are conservative, Christian, Republican gays). I did realize, through prayer, that my homosexual behavior was a trauma response to being neglected by my mother, and being molested by an older female when I was 7. I know what people are thinking: "You cannot be delivered from homosexuality. It's biology." My response to them is: "God doesn't make mistakes. People aren't born gay. Do you think God isn't powerful enough to deliver you from one of the biggest sins in existence? He created the Heavens and Earth! He has delivered so many people from homosexuality. Donnie McClurkin, for example. For those who don't know, Donnie is one of the biggest gospel artists in Christian music (by the way, if you haven't heard his version of "The Prayer" with Yolanda Adams, you are missing out on one of the best songs ever. Their voices together are like butter. Instant goosebumps). Anyways, Donnie's history with homosexuality is publicly known, and God delivered him from that. Sidebar, Kirk Franklin (another Christian music powerhouse), had a porn addiction. God delivered him from that and the dude is on absolute fire for God! I also want to mention Kirk Cameron (from Growing Pains). He was an athiest until he was 17 years old. His now wife introduced him to Christianity and he accepted Christ into his heart when he was 17. This man is extremely well-known in Christianity and preaches the Gospel.  

The whole point of that paragraph is to show you how powerful and mighty God is. He can deliver you from where you are, forgive your sins, and welcome you home with open arms, because we are the daughters and sons of God. He wants his children to see him and to come home. Don't for a second think you are too far gone to get right with God! If you have alcohol issues, God can deliver you from that. If you have drug issues, God can deliver you from that. If you have lust issues, God can deliver you from that. If you are gay/lesbian/bisexual, God can deliver you from that. If you are trans, God can deliver you from that. All you have to do is set your sights on Him and accept Christ. 

You are probably thinking: "Yeah, okay. I don't think so. Besides homosexuality isn't mentioned in the Bible)." I actually had this conversation with someone the other day, and I giggled to myself. There are at least 25 Bible verses that mention homosexuality.
Here are a few of them:

• Genesis 19:1-13: This passage describes the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, where the men of the city sought to engage in homosexual acts with Lot's visitors.
• Leviticus 18:22: This verse states, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination".
• Romans 1:26-27: Paul writes about women exchanging natural relations for unnatural ones and men committing shameless acts with other men.
• 1 Corinthians 6:9-10: This passage lists wrongdoers, including "men who practice homosexuality," stating they will not inherit the kingdom of God.
• 1 Timothy 1:9-10: This verse mentions the law being made for the unrighteous, including those who practice homosexuality.

As for those who drink, there are multiple verses that talk about how drunkards will not inherit the Kingdom of God:
Proverbs 20:1 ESV
Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.

Ephesians 5:18 ESV  
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

Galatians 5:19-21 ESV  
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Luke 21:34 ESV 
“But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap.

Romans 13:13 ESV  
Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy.

Galatians 5:21 ESV 
Envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Proverbs 23:29-35 ESV 
Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who tarry long over wine; those who go to try mixed wine. Do not look at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup and goes down smoothly. In the end it bites like a serpent and stings like an adder. Your eyes will see strange things, and your heart utter perverse things. ...

Isaiah 5:11 ESV 
Woe to those who rise early in the morning, that they may run after strong drink, who tarry late into the evening as wine inflames them!

1 Peter 5:8 ESV 
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Isaiah 5:22 ESV 
Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine, and valiant men in mixing strong drink,

​Proverbs 23:21 ESV 
For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.

1 Corinthians 6:10 ESV  
Nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Isaiah 28:7 ESV 
These also reel with wine and stagger with strong drink; the priest and the prophet reel with strong drink, they are swallowed by wine, they stagger with strong drink, they reel in vision, they stumble in giving judgment.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV  
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Peter 4:3 ESV  
For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry.

Luke 1:15 ESV 
For he will be great before the Lord. And he must not drink wine or strong drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother's womb.

1 Corinthians 5:11 ESV 
But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.


Scripture has held me accountable for everything that I've ever done. I was a homosexual, I drank on a regular basis, I engaged in gossip, bullying, lust, hatred, etc. As soon as I asked Christ to come into my heart, and I repented for my sins, I was forgiven. People think that the Bible is too rigid of a life to live. When Christ is in you, nothing is impossible. It won't always be easy, but you have God Almighty guiding you through life, loving you fiercely, and protecting you. My gratitude for God is unfailing. Thank You, Father, for everything you have done for me!

Welcome to my new page! This last week has been a whirlwind. Before I get into all of that, let me give you a bit about me. I was born out of wedlock to two young people. My grandparents were Church members and made sure I was in Sunday school. I loved Sunday school! It was the only part of my childhood that I liked. When I moved with my dad when I was 8, we moved in with my grandparents. My grandparents were devout Christians.  My grandmother made sure I knew God and the Bible. She would have weekly Bible studies with the whole family. She prayed for all of us, especially me as I entered my teenage years. I strayed from my faith when the bullying I endured in school made me spiral into severe depression. At the same time, I was wrestling with homosexual feelings. I became interested in females from a young age, and felt shame for it. Additionally, I struggled with self-injury and suicide attempts. I was raped when I was 15. When I left for college, I felt so much relief. I started making friends and I partied heavily. During the last few semesters of college, I would go to class still drunk and still get A's and B's. I was drunk during my college graduation. 
In 2008, I entered my first same-sex relationship. We only lasted a few months (she ended it and tried to go back to her ex). Before and after her, I dated men. From 2012-2015 I dated a man (the relationship went downhill after one year. We tried to make it work). I dated men here and there after that relationship and I went on a few dates with a woman in 2016. In 2017, I reconnected with an old flame and we got drunk and had sex. About 3 to 4 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. He wanted me to have an abortion. I considered it, as I had a spinal fusion 7 months prior and was not healed yet. The day before the abortion, I chose life. I realized that I was already bonding with this baby and I couldn't imagine getting rid of this baby. I had this feeling that everything was going to be okay (and so far it has been). My ex didn't like that I chose life and he didn't talk to me for a few weeks. He showed up at my apartment and was livid. He left a few hours later and I never saw him again. In 2018, I gave birth to a beautiful blessing. 

After my son was born, I decided to give up on dating. I stayed single for a long time. In 2020, I did a lot of soul-searching and realized that I was gay. In 2022, I started dating women. In August, I met someone off of Facebook dating and we hung out at a park overlooking the water. I had such chemistry with her, but it didn't last. I had other relationships with women that didn't work out, including an engagement. 
Now, the woman I met off of Facebook dating had been in and out of my life for years. It was a toxic situation and it became worse in the last few months. We had been trying to work on some type of situation, but when I was unhappy with everything, I reached out to her ex wife for info on this woman. This was one of the worst things I have ever done. I engaged in some bullying of this woman by being involved in a YouTube live, and it's something I deeply regret doing. I had tried to bury the hatchet with this woman and I thought she had forgiven me. That was until a conversation that took place last week. She was drinking out of a bottle of bacardi, talking to people that weren't there, and saying horrible things directly to me. She said I was worthless, stupid, pathetic, trash, garbage, evil, and she said God was going to harm me and my family. The next day, I deleted my profile on Instagram (we had been corresponding on Instagram the entire time). I was afraid for my family, especially my child.

For the days following this event, I was in a daze. I was paranoid to the point where it was making me sick. 

On Palm Sunday, I was in deep thought and I found myself praying to God. I was praying for protection, for help, for guidance. It was then I let Jesus into my heart. I started to realize that all of these bad things were happening because I chose to live a sinful lifestyle. I asked God to take away my homosexuality, and since then, I haven't had any feelings for women (thank You, God!). At this point, I'm not thinking about a husband. God wants me to get immersed in The Word, and to trust Him. I am abstaining from alcohol, weed, sex, etc. I am reading my Bible everyday, listening to mostly Christian music, journaling, and being mindful of what I watch on TV and in movies. I'm trying to keep my mind pure while I strengthen myself in The Word. I am working out 4-5 days a week, and being mindful of the food I eat. 

I am in counseling, but I am hoping to find a Christian counselor so I can have Biblical sessions.

That is pretty much my story in its condensed version. 

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Isaiah 41:10