As of today, I am 26 weeks pregnant. I am due May 18 with my first child, a boy.
Becoming a mother wasn't something I planned or thought possible (due to genetics and having an autoimmune disease that puts me at high risk for infertility). When I found out, I was floored. I was shocked, terrified, and I remember asking God: "Why me? Why now, at 34/35 years old?" I had just started a new career and was on my own for the first time in 5 years (I had been battling a spinal injury and was pain free after my second surgery). My life was exactly the way I wanted it.
But! It wouldn't be MY life without a curveball thrown in.
Being pregnant has been the biggest thing to ever happen to me. I've had to deal with the reemergence of my spinal injury, certain family members not approving, and dealing with all the good and the bad without a partner. The baby's father is not involved (his choice first, my choice second). Doing this alone brings out a certain vulnerability that makes pregnancy feel like your own personal hell. Due to those feelings, I went into therapy. Therapy has helped me connect better with the baby I'm carrying, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am doing everything right by this child.
This week, I came down with a mild case of the flu (which is why I haven't written in a few days). Yesterday, I was leaking fluid, which caused me to go to the hospital for testing. I was terrified that I was going into labor, or that I was miscarrying. I was extremely scared.
The tests were not pleasant, but I would do it again just so I could get the same result: my baby and I are fine and I wasn't in labor.
Ladies, when you get to this point in pregnancy, you may or may not leak fluid. It is always better to be safe than sorry and get checked out. Some of the things that the nurses look for are ruptures in the cervix, and amniotic fluid. They also look for signs of labor.
During pregnancy, thin, clear discharge is possible, and that was the case with me. I was also told, once your baby gets heavier and starts weighing down on your bladder, you can leak urine. It's embarrassing, yes, but it happens. Buy lots of pads and liners!
Yesterday's scare changed a lot of things for me. Being in that room on the labor and delivery floor, listening to his heartbeat, and watching him move on the ultrasound, made me love this little boy even more. I wanted him to be okay, and I want him to stay in my belly and continue to grow.
One thing that put my nerves at ease yesterday was something one of the nurses said. She remarked that, based on his movement, that he's a happy baby. I cannot tell you how happy that made me. All I want is for my baby to be happy.
This little boy of mine, this 2 pound, 3 ounce bundle of joy in my belly, has already changed my life in so many incredible ways, and he isn't even here yet! He and I are in this together, and I can't wait to meet him in May. <3
(photo is of my little boy, CJ)