Ever sat in front of your phone (or computer), expecting to hear back from a man that you had a great date with? I'm sure most of you have. You sit there thinking about how handsome the man was, how great the conversation was, and how delicious the dinner was. A smile appears on your face and you light up inside.
However, you realize that it's been about a week, and you haven't heard from him.
Suddenly, the smile disappears and you feel puzzled.
You go to that place in your head where you start making excuses for his ghosting:
We fail to realize the possibility that the date may not have been as good for him as it was for us. We fail to realize that he doesn't care to maintain contact with you, because, well, he didn't connect with you.
We call him, thinking that maybe he forgot your number. He doesn't answer. You leave a message on his voice mail, with your number included in the message. He doesn't call back. The next day, you call him again. It goes straight to voice mail. You leave a message, and again, he doesn't call back. Now, disappointment ensues.
"Why hasn't he called?" "Why hasn't he called ME back?"
There are two sides to every story.
Dating is a he said/she said environment. If both the male and female have a different story about how a date went, obviously you both didn't connect on a higher level. In your eyes, the date went well. He smiled a lot, listened to you talk, maintained eye contact with you, and hugged you before parting ways. All the signs of interest were there.
Or were they?
Guys go on dates in order to see what kind of woman sparks their interest, on a deeper level. True, you met the qualifications, appearance-wise, but, did you spark his interest, intellectually? If he isn't making contact with you after the date, you may not have sparked his interest. He doesn't know how to tell you he isn't interested, because he's afraid of hurting your feelings.
"Well, I called him...why didn't he call me back?"
The primal nature of the male is that they are the hunters. If they want something bad enough, they get it, including women.
Guys like being in charge, so if a woman pursues a man, they are less likely to be interested in you. Yes, we live in more progressive times, but, dating is still an old-fashioned environment. Don't take control of the situation. Let him lead.
If a man is truly interested in a woman, it doesn't matter how busy a guy is, he makes the call. Sometimes, he may call a few times a day, even if he hates the phone. If you've stolen the man's heart, he will bend over back words to make you happy. Guys find a way to communicate with the object of their desire.
"So, he isn't interested in me. Now what?"
Live your life as you did before you went out to dinner with 'Mr. Handsome/Nice Smile.' It isn't the end of the world if you didn't meet his interest. Not all guys meet YOUR interest, right? I'm sure you don't call those guys back. Like men, you don't know how to tell them you don't like them and you don't want to hurt their feelings. Both sexes do it, so it's hard to hold either in a higher standard.
Dating is a he said/she said environment, an old-fashioned environment. If both the male and female have a different story about how a date went, obviously you both didn't connect. If a guy doesn't call you, it isn't the end of the world. Keep living your life, and the right guy will come around when you least expect it.
(previously featured on Yahoo! Contributor and The Water Cooler)