Tess Holliday has been making waves in the modeling world and social media sphere with her body positivity. She has millions of followers and people both thin and BBW are drawn to her strong self-worth.
Over the weekend, Tess Holliday posted one of her most revealing (both in picture and words) posts, saying that she was officially single and has been for more than a year, and that she is a "fat, queer, single working mom." She didn't go into detail as to whether she and Nick Holliday were officially divorced, but that isn't the important part here.
Tess Holliday spilled the tea on her relationship with Nick, saying it wasn't the healthiest. She said that women should not be responsible for rehabilitating men, and that woman are often blamed for not doing enough to "save" their relationships. She concluded the revealing paragraph with: "Guess what? We don't have to carry that. We are only responsible for ourselves and our actions."
Gurrl, I am feeling ALL OF this, and I will share why below:
My Two Cents
This year, I fell in love for the 3rd time in my life (the first time was with a guy I was on and off with for years. He ended up getting me pregnant and leaving me. The next guy was someone I lived with for over 3 years. His family hated me and we had a horrible breakup).
This recent man is someone I met 18 years ago in college. He had a sexual past with my now ex-best friend. He and I were friends through the years, and this year, I realized I had strong feelings for him. He had the same feelings (apparently), and we pursued those feelings. He lives 6 hours away from me, and with the Covid pandemic, we we weren't able to visit one another (we did have an open weekend before all of the travel advisories, and he did make a hotel reservation for that weekend. He canceled it quickly after).
This man works 3 jobs, comes from a wealthy family, drinks, and he has a lot of emotional baggage. He pretty much drinks everyday, and sometimes it's in excess. I thought I could help him, maybe even change him for the better. I vowed to stick by him. While drunk, he would profess his feelings for me (he never told me how he felt when he was sober), but also say he could have married my best friend, or another woman he was with in the past. He would tell me about women he thought were hot back in college. He had no filter, and he didn't care what it did to me.
After I told him that I loved him, he stopped reaching out to me everyday. He would go several days without talking to me. When we did talk, it was very basic. It was 180 degrees different than what it used to be before I told him. I worked hard to save what was happening between us, but it was no use.
My (now ex) best friend told me that he was probably playing me. I wrote him an email saying I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He wrote a nasty email back, not caring that I was in pain. I ended up having a relapse in my mental health (I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2009), and I had a mental breakdown. The day after, I realized that my entire friendship with my best friend was toxic and I decided to end that friendship. Throughout my entire relationship with this man, my best friend would make snide comments, which I later realized was her jealousy that he liked me and not her.
I don't know what the truth is in this situation. I had enough of the drama and decided to walk away.
It is not my job to be the sole healer in a friendship and in a relationship. If no one else in the equation is willing to work on the situation, it's not worth salvaging.
Women should not be responsible for rehabilitating a man (or woman). A person needs to work on themselves before they allow anyone else into their lives.
Women should not be blamed for not doing enough to save a relationship. Both parties need to work together to save the relationship.
Tess is right about being responsible for ourselves and our actions. No one knows us better than ourselves.
How the hell can you expect someone to heal you when they don't know you like that?
Let that sink in!
Thank you, Tess, for this reminder! Stay fabulous, queen!