They are single...and ready to mingle. These lonely 90 Day alums are getting a second shot at love, and we can't look away. Below is a synopsis of what took place during the series premiere. The episode left on a cliffhanger for all of our singles, so there are no spoiler alerts.
Read on playa!
We begin with Big Ed, the 55-year-old creeper who grossed out Rose so badly, she dumped him for a woman. 5 ft Big Ed comes out of his house wearing an Elvis costume, because he thinks it will make him a big hit with the ladies on dating sites. He shows off more costumes, hoping to get the ladies to laugh. Little does he know that every woman in the world is laughing AT HIM and not WITH HIM.
Big Ed is on EVERY SINGLE DATING APP known to man (I wouldn't be surprised if he invents his own dating app so he can get play). While updating his dating website, he asks his dog Teddy to help him. The dog is having nothing to do with this. Big Ed put on his dating profile that he is average body size, which is true if you go by USA standards. BMI-wise, not so much. He then asks Teddy the age range that he's looking for. He settled on 29-48 (like a millennial and Gen X will give him the time of day). Big Ed says that he connects with the younger women because he doesn't think of himself as old. Mentally he isn't old. All he did was complain when he visited Rose at her family's house. He bitched about the heat, bitched about bathing, bitched about everything. He even insulted her breath, despite the fact that she had an ulcer that caused her breath to be like that.
Anyways, Big Ed is looking for a woman who is kind, haute, love sex, and she needs to have the same body type as Ed: short.
He has the hots for a younger woman in his area. He plans on asking out the manager of a local restaurant, Liz. She's 28 and very hardworking (he mentions this quite often). He asks his younger female friend to join him at the restaurant as he stalks Liz.
Next, we have Molly. Molly is looking fierce and adorbs as ever! She greets us with some sass and sex appeal. She tells viewers that she feels more empowered than ever. She is getting back out there, and she is ready to mingle honey! She has one gentleman caller named Kelly who lives in NY. He's a 41 year old cop, and Molly is smitten! She has high expectations for this man, and she is nervous about his visit.
Molly is worried about how Kelly will fit in with her daughters, and her friends are pleading her to take it slow.
Brittany is also a part of 90 Day Single Life. When we see her, she is selling jewelry that Yazan gave her. Unfortunately, he gave her fake jewelry. As heartbroken as she was that she couldn't sell her jewelry, she isn't letting it stop her. She is out dating, and she is exploring "self-love." She does have two suitors: Justin a childhood friend, and Terrance.
Brittany goes out on a date with Terrance, while preparing for Justin to visit her from Canada. Terrance pressed her past, which Brittany did not like. He then asks about her emotions, and she asks about how he feels about dating an older woman (he's 24). She mentioned that she dated an 86 year old, which made him very nervous.
Danielle is back, ya'll! She is still traumatized by her relationship with Mohamad (NONE of us have forgotten what he said about her lady parts). Danielle is trying to get back out there, despite the fact that Mohamad has been texting her. She is getting out and having fun. She has befriended 3 younger females and they are actually positive influences.
She and her girlfriends are planning a trip away. Days before she is due to leave, she gets a text from Mohamad. He's in Ohio. She's smiling at the text, but says she doesn't know how she feels about this. She agrees to meet with him.
Next we have Colt. When we see him, he is at a Speed Dating event. Every female that sits with him is immediately turned off when he reveals that he lives with his mom. One woman actually cussed him out to a producer because she was so repulsed by him (one of my favorite parts of the entire episode). Despite the Speed Dating situation, he is still into his best friend Vanessa (who he cheated with while he was with Jess). He even goes so far as to say he's in love with her. He has asked her out before, and she said no. She doesn't trust him.
Colt meets Vanessa at a coffee shop, and they have the most awkward hug. He tells her he wants to date her, and she refuses. She doesn't trust him at all. He gets confrontational and threatens to end the friendship (typical dickhead).
After watching this episode, I have girl crushes on both Molly and Brittany. They are just so fun and hilarious. Molly and Brittany have definitely become glow-up baddasses after their horrible relationships with Luis and Yazan, respectively. Their energy is amazing and I can't wait to see them in action this season!
As for Colt, I'm still vomiting over the fact that he does full frontal on OnlyFans...and people pay to see that shit. I'm not surprised that no one wants anything to do with him in person. He is gross. He doesn't know how to talk to women. When he does, he talks about being unemployed, living with 6 cats, and that he also lives with his mother. All that tells women is that he has zero ambition in life. Women do not want to take care of overgrown man-children. We also don't want to talk to a guy that has nothing going on.
Danielle, babygirl! I really want to like you, but when you allow Mohamad to talk to you, I get angry. You have 3 new friends who have great energy. They are going to kick your ass for talking to Mohamad. Don't EVER give an ex a second chance, especially an ex that humiliated you in public. Did you forget the time he told millions of people that you had a smelly pussy? That is NOT something that can be forgiven. That shit can ruin your sex life forever. Please, hunny. Do not listen to anything he says. He is not your person.
Big Ed, you are the quintessential dirty old man. You have no clue as to how to approach women. The reason? Because you are incredibly insecure and you have zero self-esteem. Until you love yourself, you will always have your heart broken. Mend yourself, learn how to approach women, and find one who wasn't born after 9/11.
If you're looking for a unique perspective on your favorite reality TV shows, and their stars, you have come to the right place! Your girl, Shauna, will keep you entertained as we obsess together about people we will never meet in real life. Ever. Pour some tea, kids, it's about to get REAL!