It's been over 9 months since we were told we needed to wear face masks. Many of us have bitched about the masks (some of you continue to bitch about them). Well, quit your bitchin and smell the bacon!
While Trump is failing at making America great, Hormel has succeeded at making face masks great. They just unveiled a mask that is scented with bacon! According to their website, "Hormel Black Label Breathable Bacon is bacon-scented for an irresistibly breathable, heavenly aroma that you can keep all to yourself."
Now, before you call out of work to buy one, there is something you should know. The masks aren't available for purchase. Those who are interested in a mask have to register in order to WIN a mask.
I know, I got your hopes up for nothing. However, it is worth signing up for this contest. For every contest entry, Hormel is donating a meal to 'Feeding America.'
You can enter here. You have until October 28. A winner will be drawn November 4th.
No matter who wins the election, someone in this world will be walking around smelling bacon for the rest of their life. Lucky bastard.
Kraft Mac and Cheese's "Send Noods" campaign has conservative moms clutching their pearls in horror.
Last week, Kraft introduced their new mac and cheese promotion. This promotion allowed fans to send a free box of mac and cheese to a loved one. The campaign was called #SendNoods.
Kraft created a video in order to promote the campaign, with SNL's Vanessa Bayer being the spokeswoman of the campaign.
"In these strange times, people are in need of extra comfort. That's why it's always a nice gesture to send noods so they know you're thinking of them. Noods, I mean. Not nudes."
The campaign was meant to be light and cheeky. Unfortunately, some Stepford wife moms were triggered by the tagline. They accused the food giant of sexualizing a classic dish. Many on Twitter had words for Kraft. Some even threated to switch over to Annie's Orgasmics...I mean Annie's Organics.
I'm a mom and I think this is hilarious! Kraft shouldn't be bullied by those tired housewives. Bring back the campaign! It's needed during these tough times! #SendNoods!!!
I think if those triggered moms had more NOODLE in their life, they wouldn't be so uptight.
Also, how do you sexualize a food dish? Unless you're:
Anyway, if you like this post, #SendNoods!
"The animals, the animals. Trapped, trapped, trapped 'till the cage is full. The cage is full the day is new. And everyone is waiting, waiting on you. And you've got time."
One of the unfortunate turn of events when you're an uncensored minx like me is, you end up in social media jail. This morning, I was jumped by the internet police, led off in handcuffs, and placed in FB jail. They stripped me of my clothes and gave me a full cavity search. The big burly woman was surprisingly gentle, which I appreciated. I was given my orange jumpsuit and placed in my cell, where I will stay for 3 days.
I cannot contact my amazing Facebook followers, and I cannot contact my real life friends.
Was it worth calling a female Trump supporter a c(u)nt, and saying she should have been used in Trump's aborted fetal medication Regeneron? YES, sort of.
I never apologize for what I do or what I say. What I am apologetic for is the 3 days of silence on my FB page. I will take my punishment, but I won't take back my words.
Hopefully this round of jail will be like Orange is the New Black, and I will find myself an Alex Vause. I'm ready to be your prison wife, boo!
Attention fellas! If you are depressed about being single, I'm about to make you GLAD that you are!
Imagine, if you will, a crazy girlfriend showing up at your workplace (and she's wearing a wedding dress). Imagine said bride loudly demanding that you 'shit or get off the pot' in front of your co-workers and customers. Imagine 50+ people capturing it on video and sharing it with everyone. It's the thing of nightmares, right? Well, if you are this Target employee, it was a nightmare that came true!
A woman decided to go into Target wearing a wedding dress and deliver an ultimatum to her boyfriend. The boyfriend happened to have been in the middle of his shift, when he was greeted by his marriage-minded other half, a Pastor, bridesmaid, and photographer. She told him "You put this ring on my finger from years ago, and it's time to do it or get out. We are getting married right now or I'm leaving, I'm out... I'm done if you don't marry me this second. I brought the pastor, I brought Emily, she's my bridesmaid."
Of course, this caught the interest of Target shoppers and employees. She turned to the crowd observing the downward spiral, and said: "Hi guys! I'm just finally making him commit. You know? Like, we're either getting married now, or, like, it's over."
The guy could not handle the embarrassment. He told her that they can talk about this outside. She goes outside with her wedding squad, and the poor guy followed behind.
Sadly, there are no updates as to how this ended. My guess is: she ate him, her wedding squad, and then exploded from rage eating.
Ladies, there are no excuses for this type of embarrassment. If you pull this shit on your partner, you deserve to be dumped. You also need to seek medical attention because you crazy as hell!
The entire country was abuzz when a fly landed on Mike Pence's head during the Vice Presidential Debate, and stayed for several minutes. Social media lit up with jokes, memes, and various references to 'The Fly.' SNL got in on the action as well.
The National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum announced on Thursday that they will be making a bobblehead of Mike Pence, and his buzzworthy buddy. The bobblehead will include a plexiglass barrier and a removable mini fly swatter.
Will it be available by the holiday season? Sadly no. It looks like the National Bobblehead HOF and museum will be shipping out the bobbleheads in January 2021. You can preorder your own bobblehead on the National Bobblehead Hall of Fame website. They cost $25 and they have a shipping charge of $8.
I better fly and get my own bobblehead. I don't want some insect buzzing away with what I want. Really bugs me when people act all greedy and shit.
Did YouTuber Tana Mongeau temporarily lose verification after offering to send nudes to Joe Biden voters?
Joining the likes of Kylie Jenner in the game of 'sex sells,' we have YouTuber Tana Mongeau!
Mongeau went onto YouTube and OnlyFans, and told her followers that she would send them free nudes if they sent HER proof that they have voted for Joe Biden.
Mongeau posted the tempting offer on Twitter as well (the actual post has been taken down, so I only have the quotes):
"If u send me proof u voted for Biden I’ll send you a nude for free." She added a bikini-clad thirst trap to whet the appetites of potential Biden voters.
She also tweeted the following:
"Update #bootyforbiden broke tana uncensored. Love to see so many ppl who want change as badly as i do. u don’t need my a** to know what’s right for America so go VOTE!"
Shortly after those messages went live, she temporarily lost her verification mark on YouTube. According to TMZ, she lost the verification mark because her campaign "flouted electoral law."
According to the subject herself, Tana Mongeau, she lost the verification mark because she made an error with uploading content to YouTube.
Her verification came back, and she told people that "U don't need my a** to tell u who to vote for."
I'm glad that it was just an uploading error, and not what she tweeted. I don't see anything wrong with that. We need all the votes we can get in order to vote dumpy Trumpy out!
I mean, if Clinton can get his dick sucked in the White House by an intern, and if JFK can get away with fucking Marilyn Monroe behind his wife's back, I'm sure trading votes for nudes are not the biggest deal in the world.
Ready? Set? Reproduce and get coin!
Singapore is offering a one-time payment to citizens of Singapore who want to have children. The Prime Minister of Singapore said the payment would help those who face financial pressure related to job loss and more.
The Prime Minister made the decision after receiving feedback about coronavirus fears.
"We have received feedback that Covid-19 has caused some aspiring parents to postpone their parenthood plans. This is fully understandable, especially when they face uncertainty with their income."
Prime Minister Heng Swee Keat did not specify an exact amount, but it would help with expenses.
Singapore is currently in the midst of a recession, and it is experiencing one of the lowest birth rates in the world.
Prime Minister Keat is hoping the payment incentive will help repopulate Singapore, and jumpstart the economy.
I mean, everyone is going to have sex during the pandemic anyway. Might as well get paid for it...legally.
The US should totally do this. I mean, Trump already pays for sex, maybe he should be more charitable and pay all of us to repopulate so we can jumpstart OUR economy.
Bow down to Hitler Trump, heathens! He is the savior of Christianity.
Eric Trump gushed about daddy dearest during a radio broadcast last week. He claims that the SuperSpreader-in Chief saved Christianity.
"He literally saved Christianity, there's a war on faith in this country by the other side. I mean, the Democratic Party, the far left, has become the party of the quote-unquote atheist, they want to attack Christianity, they want to close churches, they want to - they're totally fine keeping liquor stores open, but they want to close churches all over the country."
Where the fuck do I begin here?
I do not associate myself with any religious label, due to the fact that Christianity has been tainted with radical right poison.
The God I believe in is loving, accepting, and gracious. Jesus is 100% love. He was made in God's image. Jesus didn't roll with those who gave more during tithing, and he didn't spend time with those who adorned themselves with the latest fashions. He rolled with the sick, prostitutes, those that were lame, and those that were lost. He had no time for the hypocrites. The right-wingers have completely missed the point of the Bible. I highly doubt any of them have really STUDIED the Bible. I have!
Donald Trump didn't save Christianity. He perverted it.
Not only are humans completely over the shenanigans of 2020, our feathered friends are also over it.
Five parrots at Lincolnshire Wildlife Centre had to be separated because they couldn't stop cussing at visitors and staff! In fact, these birds ENCOURAGED one another to swear at visitors. Billy, Eric, Tyson, Jade, and Elsie were moved out of the outdoor aviary when all 5 of them told staff and visitors to "fuck off." Not only that, one bird told a human enemy that he was a "fat twat."
These feathery things were really comin hard at these humans! When you have a squad of birds coming at you, all hell will break loose. I'm willing to bet that the fabulous 5's favorite movie is "The Birds. "
Guys, I tried to look for video of these birds cussing TF out of people, but there are none. I even went to the zoo's social media and all they have are some of their 200 parrots singing Opera, and BeyoncÃ© (shared below).
To quench your thirst for birds speaking provocatively, I have added a compilation of potty-mouthed birds.
Man, I need some of these birds when telemarketers, my ex, and Jehovah Witnesses ruin my flow!