Heartbreak is considered to be one of the biggest pains in the world. It encompasses you, makes you feel like you're being tortured from the inside out. The emotional pains becomes physical, and there is no escape.
You'd rather chew glass than give someone your heart and soul again. You tell people that you will never date, fall in love, and get married again. They tell you that "everything takes time," and that "you will find love again." "It happens when you least expect it."
When you're in the midst of agony, that's the very LAST thing you want to hear.
At this point, we can either sink further into misery, or we can completely throw ourselves into work/life/etc.
Singer Kelly Clarkson has been candid about her divorce from Brandon Blackstock. The world was taken by surprise when she filed for divorce last summer. A lot was speculated, and while Clarkson hasn't gone into extreme details, she has talked about her feelings, and lessons she has learned from life.
Clarkson recently spoke to Gwyneth Paltrow on her self-titled talk show, and Kelly told Gwyneth that she cannot imagine ever getting married again. Gwyneth has pretty much been there, and told Kelly that she was able to find love, space, and the vulnerability to say yes to doing it all again. Paltrow added that it was the hardest thing she's ever done, learning lessons from her divorce. She told Kelly "you will have it again. It just takes time."
Kelly Clarkson told Gwyneth Paltrow that she is simply not searching for anyone else. She's in the mind space where she is pretty much dating herself (love this! We all should be dating ourselves. I am, and it's the best relationship I've ever had!).
Clarkson has really been doing a fantastic job keeping busy and immersing herself in creativity. She has been entertaining us with her talk show. She has been a judge on "The Voice." She is working on a new album, and since filing for divorce, she has written over 60 songs! Not to mention, she has two beautiful kids under the age of 7.
(can I freaking have whatever Kelly Clarkson drinks/eats for energy? I want that energy! LOL!)
Kelly Clarkson is the perfect example of a woman who is keeping busy, but also finding herself, while going through the heartbreak.
Having a short amount of time to be sad and cry the pain out is fine, but you can't stay there. You have to pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off, and rediscover who you are. It's not easy. It can get ugly, especially when you face your demons. The only way to face your inner demons is to look at them square in the eye, and say: "I'm not afraid of you anymore. You have no power here."
The more you work on yourself during heartbreak, the stronger you become. Take it day by day, and don't let anyone peer pressure you into going out on dates. Let them know that you aren't in the space to find a new person. If they don't understand that, then they aren't your true friends. You might want to find better quality friends.
Just because it is foggy right now, doesn't mean the sun won't ever come out and shine on you. Work on you. During your journey, you might find yourself thinking about the possibilities of romantic love again. It's a journey, and you can go as slow as you want. The most important thing to focus on right now is building yourself up so you can love yourself again. That's the most important step of all.
#relationships #dating #love #feels #single #marriage #divorce #advice #socialmedia #heartbreak
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been single for nearly 5 years."
Goddamn, since when is it a sin to be single? Is there a flood coming that I don't know about? Should I be looking for a mate to repopulate the post-apocalyptic world with? Should I go back on Tinder, or should I call my ex?
What's the fucking problem with being single?
Being single, regardless of age, is not a sin (let me say it louder for the people in the back calling me an Old Maid: "BEING SINGLE, REGARDLESS OF AGE, IS NOT A SIN"). Despite the fact that life is everchanging, society thinks it's taboo for a woman over the age of 30 to be single. It gets worse the older you get. The push to couple-up happens in our mid-to-late 20s, and into our 30s. We are bombarded by family members who wonder why we are so single. They tell us that we need to "loosen up and find someone before we are too old to find a mate (there is no age limit on finding a mate. It happens when it's meant to happen)." You could be single for 40 years, and then find the greatest, most fantastic love of your dreams.
The "old maid" stigma is archaic and insulting. Society's blueprint on how things happen needs to be thrown out. Putting pressure on women to find a husband will ensure that a woman couples up with a guy that isn't right for her. Now she will be chained to him for the rest of her life, and she will live the rest of her life growing in despair. She will wish that she chose differently. God forbid if kids become involved. They will immediately pick up on the tension (let's face it, kids are sharper and smarter than we are).
This will be your life if you live your life by society's blueprint.
We deserve better than this dumbass blueprint. We deserve the greatest love of all, and that begins with loving yourself. Being single is not a sin. Lowering yourself to marry when you're not ready is a sin.
Don't be pressured to live up to society's expectations. Live up to your own.
It is not a sin to be single. Trust the process, and fuck society's blueprint.
You know what really grinds my gears? People who think that casual dating is the same thing as being single. No. They are different. Being single means you are working on YOU without any distractions. Casual dating means you are on those dating sites, chatting someone up, and meeting up for a good old fashioned 'Netflix and chill' sesh.
For years, I had the two mixed up. I would tell people I was single, even though I was casually talking to someone.
Here are the definitions of single and casual dating (courtesy of Urban Dictionary):
Single: "For a friendly, considerate, and well-meaning person this can be a great period where one learns a lot about him/herself and life in general."
Casual dating: "When a man/woman goes out with another individual or many different people to configure compatibility."
See the difference? Please don't call yourself single if you are casually dating around. Just say you are dating around.
I do recommend that, if you find yourself in the realm of singledom, that you embrace it. Work on you, fall in love with yourself. Focus on your family and friends. Kick ass at work. Get your ish in order before moving into the casual dating realm.
So where does 'Yours Truly' fall? I am 100% completely single, and for the first time ever, I am loving it. I am learning so much about myself, and I'm becoming stronger. Insecurities that I once had, I don't have anymore. I'm appreciating my struggles, my journey, the scars on my body, the scars on my soul. Everything has brought me to this point. I'm working on me, with romantic relationships NOT being my endgame. My endgame is inner peace, and unwavering self-love.
If romance happens, great. If not, great. Again, romance is not as important to me as my own happiness is.