Dear Gen Z, We get it. We are old. The last thing you want to do is deal with old fogies trying to keep their generation's fads going. My generation grew up with grunge, big hair, boy bands, flair jeans, REAL hip hop, flannel shirts, Jncos, vinyl, cassettes, CDs, VHS, and more. You tell us on the daily that we don't know the struggles of youth. *insert sarcasm* After all, we were never young. We didn't deal with growing pains. We didn't have cataclysmic events that turned our world upside down. *end sarcasm* We understand that covid era sucks, but you aren't the first generation to endure hardships. My generation's grandparents and great-grandparents (your ancestors) lived through the depression and World Wars. Our parents watched the assassinations of JFK and Martin Luther King Jr. That generation also dealt with a ton of social justice issues. My generation, the Xennials, were preschoolers when the Challenger exploded on national TV (I remember watching it on the TV. I was too young to understand everything that happened, but I knew it was very bad). We had relatives who fought in Desert Storm. We were in junior high when the Oklahoma City Bombing occurred. People got into physical fights over Biggie and Tupac (I remember seeing this in school. It was one of the craziest things I've ever seen). In 2001, we watched from our college dorms as planes flew into buildings in NYC (I was a freshman in college, and saw the second plane hit the WTC on live TV. By far the scariest thing I've ever seen. My family lost dear friends on that day). This was the darkest day of our generation. It was a day that I will never forget. I watched dozens of cars trying to leave my college campus in a panic. Some of them didn't know that the borders of Connecticut and NY were closed. Some didn't care. They were going to get through and see their families, come hell or high water. Our generation was well into the workforce when the 2008 recession hit. I was working retail management when the recession hit. I was expected to receive an increase in salary that year. I didn't receive my raise because the company froze wages for a year. When it comes to fashion, we get it. The older folks "know nothing" about fashion. In the 1980s and 1990s, fashion evolved countless times. Even Madonna couldn't keep up. You guys might cringe when you see us putting side parts in our hair, and you may cringe when we wear skinny jeans. All I gotta say to you is: deal. with. it. It is tiring to raise kids as opinionated as you, and while we encourage you to have these strong opinions, the least you can do for us is allow us to be comfortable. Sure, you may want to "cancel" us for our various crimes against fashion and life. Sometimes we want to VETO you for being TOO opinionated. The instability between our generations needs to stop. In a perfect world, we'd be able to come up with common ground. However, since you guys are young and think you know everything, I guess I will have to get a little nasty. On behalf of my generation, and the generations before us: Take your cancel culture, your aversion for side parts, laugh emojis, and skinny jeans, and shove it up your TikTok! Speaking of TikTok: #Xennial #Millennials #GenZ #Boomers #TikTok #socialmedia #Twitter #blogging #WednesdayWisdom #blog
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It's everywhere: society's ideals of what the perfect body is. When you've spent the vast majority of your life overweight, these images are shoved down your throat everyday. It's overwhelming. If you've ever been on a weight loss journey, and you have reached your goal, there is more societal pressure to keep it off. Not only have you dealt with the pressure to lose weight, you deal with the pressure to keep it off. You can't win! I've struggled with my weight since I was 8 years old. I'm now 38, and while I look somewhat normal, I am overweight by BMI standards. At my highest, I was 260lbs. At my lowest, I was 138lbs. Before yesterday, I was 155lbs (I ate an entire bag of gluten free gummy worms while watching the Punky Brewster reboot, so that's probably going to add a pound or so to that number). I shouldn't be completely terrified of my lack of self-control, but I am. Why? Because there are people in my life who are expecting me to fail at keeping the weight off. They want me to go back to that place of self-loathing. These people want me to be miserable because it makes THEM feel better. In high school, I was bullied for my weight. Guys never talked to me, and girls shamelessly hated on me. Years later when I lost weight, these people came back into my life, called me an inspiration, and suddenly wanted to be my friend. Some of the guys wanted to be my friend too. I felt the pressure to keep my weight down. There were times where I skipped meals, and went too hard in my workouts (while dealing with a spinal injury). I was crumbling under the pressure. What if we took away their power over us, and empowered ourselves to be happy no matter what size we were? I'm not saying steal my gummy worms, and down 5 pizzas in one sitting. As long as we are generally healthy, we should feel beautiful and sexy at any size. It is expected for us to be large and not in charge of our happiness. We can be small, medium, large, XL, XXL, XXXL, and more...and in charge of our happiness. We deserve it! Don't let bullies, life, societal norms, and that inner voice (that sounds like society) tell you that you aren't good enough as you are. Release the pressure back into the universe and be the goddess or god that you are. #bodyimage #bodyacceptance #selfcare #societalpressure #bodypositivity #blogging #lifestyle #amblogging #blogger
How many of you have friends that constantly air their dirty laundry? You probably have at least one person that uses their social media like it's their diary. They just put it all out there: "Dear diary, I took a massive shit while thinking about my ex." "Dear diary, my best friend is a total slut and I hate her fucking guts." "Dear diary, I hate Khloe Kardashian, but I want the same nose job she has." "Dear diary, why aren't my friends on Facebook reacting to my posts? I need to be in the spotlight! They all suck." We are all guilty of oversharing our dirty laundry. Back in the day, I overshared my personal life so much, people stopped talking to me. They would unfriend me, block me, and never speak to me again. These were all people that knew me in real life! Here are some classics that Facebook memories loves to share with me: "Interesting to know that people who were dicks in grade school are still dicks as adults. Karma bitch!" "Kinda want to order a bunch of cookies for myself for Valentine’s Day. Kinda don’t want to gain weight from eating all of them. Being crazy is hard 😂 🍪" "Leaving the door open for anyone else who wants to bounce from my life. I'm going through too much crap right now and I can't deal with negativity. #overit" "Fuck Valentine's Day...be prepared to see this same status next week...you'd be bitter too if you are spending another Valentine's Day single.." "I may have to play Wii Bowling in my underwear from now on!" "is not feeling well at all. Getting ready for work anyways. Damn Celiac flare up." "is feeling so frickin hollow inside...but I gotta pull myself together and get to work. I don't understand why this shit keeps happening to me.." "Yeah I need to find a cuddle buddy lolz 😂" These aren't even my worst offenses. After one birthday, I screamed at all the people who did not wish me a happy birthday. I threatened a mass deletion from my friends list. I was a total cunt to everyone. Through the years, I overshared the most after bad relationships ended, when I was diagnosed with Celiac disease and a few other autoimmune diseases, when I injured my back, and when I had shitty work days. During my early days on Facebook, I was dealing with a string of bad dating experiences. I would cry like a psycho over these guys, call myself fugly, and tell people I will end up alone. Seeing these posts come up in Facebook memories makes me want to go back in time and smack myself across the face, with a cinderblock. Every time we react to something, whether it's cursing someone out, or airing our dirty laundry on social media, we give away a piece of us. We give away our power. We are pretty much whoring out our soul. We are also giving people receipts to hurt us when they see fit. Bel-lieve- me, I am a control freak, I always have to have the final say in everything. I need to walk away from situations, knowing that I stung the fuck out of the person who attacked me. I had to change this about myself because it was weakening me. It's like when you drink alcohol to numb emotional and physical pain. Sure, it works for an hour or two, but the problem is still waiting for you when the numbness wears off. The only way to avoid all of that (and save money on booze), is to stop airing dirty laundry, gain some perspective on life, and never be in a position where you freely give away your power. Here are a few suggestions in which you can use your power for something good: Journaling Kick it old school and write your gripes in a notebook. I still do it. It actually prevents me from sharing personal stuff online. I also use it to release anger that I may have about someone or something. It's pretty therapeutic. Art. I have been enamored with art for most of my life. I even minored in art in college. My favorite medium is charcoal, and I plan on creating designs that I will be selling. Gardening. During the warmer months, I love to grow my own food and herbs. There's something incredibly therapeutic about the process of gardening (plus it's a decent calorie burn). Exercise. Getting a little exercise definitely helps release the stress. Volunteer/Get involved in activism. One of the things that helped me gain some perspective was expanding my knowledge about the world and various struggles. I learned about how a lot of countries have been damaged by the virus. Families have been separated, kids are being sold into sex trafficking rings, and little girls are being sold to middle-aged men as child brides. These little girls are raped and killed by their captives. While this has been happening for centuries, it has gotten worse with the pandemic. It is brutal out there, and it doesn't make sense to complain about white girl privilege. I have been involved in a ton of activism since my eyes have been opened. The world needs change, and knowing what's going on out there has helped me be less selfish. I am taking the power that I used during my selfish times, and pouring it into helping the world be a better place. Find a cause, find many causes, and help make the world a better place. These are just some of the ways in which we can use our energies for good. I know I didn't mention family and close friends in my suggestions, but these are a given. Family should always be #1. Whether it's the family you were born into, or the one you chose for yourself, always choose them (the ones that aren't toxic anyway). I talk more in depth about this topic on my Podcast, which you can listen to here (Look for Sassy and Unfiltered: Airing Dirty Laundry and Giving Away Your Power). Take a drink every time I say "you know." #selfworth #selflove #strength #wisdom #socialmedia #love #friends #rants #facebook #twitter #snapchat #instagram
How many of you grew up watching Disney movies? Probably most of you. It's the same story: a pretty damsel has a rough home life. She meets a handsome prince. He helps her out of a sticky situation. They fall in love. She and the prince get married, and they live happily ever after. Nothing happens after that. We don't see the fair maiden doing anything else. Her story ends when a man saves her. It kind of sounds like a Hallmark movie starring Candace Cameron Bure or Lacey Chabert. Anyways, we are shown these stories and we start to believe that a happily ever after consists of finding our handsome man. Our parents and grandparents encourage this mindset. They talk about how much they love one another, and that someday we will find our true love. From the very beginning, girls are taught that the ultimate "happy ending" in life was to find a handsome man, get married, and live happily ever after. We are also taught by society, movies, TV, music, and our families to romanticize everything. "We have to do everything with heart." "We have to let our heart lead us when it comes to love." We aren't taught anything else. We were groomed for a life that does not exist. Life is constantly changing, and we are brought up the same way our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents were raised. Those worlds do not exist anymore. Yes, we need the basics guidelines. However, this world has different rules, and the glass ceiling continues to shatter more and more. The American dream, society's happy ending, consists of getting married in your 20s, starting a career and family in your 20s, raising teens in your 30s, progressing in your career in your 30s, having a home, having a car, joining clubs, watching your kids go to college in your 40s, and living a middle-age life (50s and beyond), just you and your husband (obvi the grown kids visit once a week with their kids and spouses). This is considered the American dream. Society's American dream is NOT REALITY. Only a small amount of people are living that American dream. The rest of us are just trying to keep our head above water. Certainly, some of us watch through the fence as those in Mayberry are living the American dream, and we wish it were happening to us. Because of how we were brought up, we fail to realize that we have a different happy ending. Some people don't want to get married and have kids in their 20s. Some people wait until they are in their 30s and 40s. Others don't see that as their American dream at all! There is no collective happy ending. We have what works for us. There is a general bottom line, and I will explain below. In my personal life, and I go more in depth on my Podcast, which you can listen to here, I'm 38 and I'm still single. I grew up romanticizing everything, had many failed dating situations, and I always blamed other people. Through the years, I watched as my HS graduating class lived the American dream. A lot of them have gotten married, they are working high paying jobs, and they are homeowners. I used to be insanely jealous of them, and seeing their happiness pissed me off even more. I would ask myself, "Everyone else was living my dream. Why wasn't I?"
I started to have inner peace within the very depths of my soul. Everything was quiet, and I had no drama in my life. This was the crazy part because I've always had drama in my life. To suddenly have quiet in my head, heart, and soul, it rocked my fucking world. I re-wired my thought process and realized that my happy ending is...me! I realized that I had everything that I need in order to be a whole person. Searching for love in other people, romanticizing every single fucking detail, was nothing but madness. Guys, happy endings are more than just romantic love. We have to love the fuck out of ourselves before we can be of any use to someone else. You cannot fake the process, and you cannot expedite the process. It takes as long as it takes. I'm the strongest I've ever been, but I know I still have a ways to go. I'm living an amazing moment in my life, and if someone is out there for me, we will find each other when the time is right. If there is no one out there for me, I'm completely okay with it. Either way, I have my happy ending. I can look back on my life and be so proud of myself. Happy endings are more than just romance, and a hand job at a massage parlor. It's achieving inner happiness and inner peace. We may have been spoon-fed fairytale stories as kids. We may have overindulged in Lifetime and Hallmark movies as adults, but that doesn't mean we continue the cycle of romanticizing everything. We can change the course of our lives, and we can raise our children to have inner peace as their goal. Happiness matters, romanticizing does not matter. There is a quote from a movie called "He's Just Not That Into You," and it is just so perfect. Ginnifer Goodwin who plays Gigi, said it at the end of the movie: “We're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future.” While a romantic happy ending is great, it pales in comparison to the great love and respect you can have for yourself. This is the key that unlocks our own unique happy ending. It will change everything, and you will bless your own life with nothing but the very best. When you love yourself, you are untouchable and unstoppable.
Now THAT'S a happy ending! Did you know there are 14 religious holidays during the holiday season, and dozens of non-holiday celebrations? It's true!
Notable holiday celebrations during the holiday season include Kwanzaa (December 26-January 1), Human Rights Day (December 10), Hogmanay (December 31-January 1), and Chalica (the first week of December). The Christians like to assume that they have the supreme faith, and no other faith exists. Some Christians scoff when people celebrate other holidays and not Christians. If you DARE say "Happy Holidays" to a Christian, you will get an ear full. I worked retail for several years and I dreaded the holiday season. Not only did I have droves of grumpy customers who entered my store, I had Karens who would get pissed at me when I didn't say "Merry Christmas" back to them. Why would I denounce all of the above holidays (by the way, those are just a few of the holidays observed during the holiday season), just to please them? I know what you're thinking, you say whatever you need to in order to keep your job. Luckily for me, I had two bosses that weren't Christian. It was acceptable for me to say "Happy Holidays." As an accepting and loving person, I acknowledge all celebrations that are happening at this time of year, and all year long. HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM UNFILTERED PERSPECTIVES! <3 #HappyHolidays #MerryChristmas #holidayseason #Christmas2020
Thanksgiving is a time for families to come together, break bread, and think about everything they are grateful for. That's how generations of families were brought up. Unfortunately, that isn't the real story of Thanksgiving. For Native Americans, Thanksgiving is not a celebration - it's a national day of mourning. It's a reminder of the genocide of millions of Native Americans, the assault on Native American culture, and the theft of Native American land. If it weren't for Native Americans, the English thieves would not have had a successful harvest. Once the English thieves got what they wanted, however, they broke their cooperation with the Native Americans. Native Americans were slaughtered by the millions. "Soo...how do I participate in Thanksgiving?" You can tell the true story of Thanksgiving. You can remember the Native American men, women and children that were slaughtered unjustly. "Isn't that a bit somber?" Yes, but don't you think that it's even worse for the Native Americans? They are watching illegals break bread on their land. For generations, it has been a painful reminder of what their ancestors went through. "Fair enough. What do I tell my kids about the story of Thanksgiving?" Be honest. First Nations Development Institute has a list of books that accurately tell the story of Thanksgiving, in a way that kids will understand. Echo Hawk, a member of the Pawnee Nation and founder and chief executive officer of IllumiNative said that we shouldn't just care about or acknowledge Native Americans during Thanksgiving. Native Americans should be acknowledged all year round. The sad reality is, 87% of the K-12 curriculum in this country does NOT mention Native American history. It's been concealed and changed by white men throughout history. After reading more about Native American history, my son and I will show our solidarity for the Native Americans by NOT acknowledging the English Thanksgiving. Personally, I think the holiday should be canceled.
19 years ago today, America (and the world) was hit by tragedy. Extremist group al-Queda hijacked 4 passenger airplanes, 2 were flown into the World Trade Center, 1 crashed into the Pentagon, and 1 crashed in PA (the hijackers were trying to fly it to DC, but the passengers thwarted that attempt and the plane crashed into a field).
Within an hour and 42 minutes, the World Trade Center was no more. 25,000 people were injured, and 2,977 people were killed. I remember that day vividly. I was a freshman in college, and on my own for the first time in my life. The school was holding a job fair that day, and I woke up early to check it out. The job fair was being held in a room next to the cafe. When I walked in, people were glued to the TV. The entire feel of the room was very off. I looked at the TV and saw the 2nd plane hit the towers. Live. Words cannot describe what I was feeling when I saw that. I was a mix of horrified, sick, angry, disbelief, etc. All of us had tears in our eyes. None of us could believe what the fuck was happening. It felt like everything stopped. Even the newscasters on TV were freaked out. After several minutes in a daze, I grabbed my flip phone and walked out of the building to call family. I couldn't get through to anyone. I was shaking while I walked to my dorm. Everyone I encountered was so upset and terrified. As I walked to my dorm, I saw 15-20 cars leaving campus, all with NY license plates. When I got inside my room, I turned on the news and learned that the borders to NY were closed. I kept trying to contact family and all attempts failed. My aunt lived in NY at the time and she had just had a baby 4 days before the attacks happened. I was so worried for her, my baby cousin, and my uncle. I don't remember much about what happened later that day. Time had stopped and I was just terrified to be anywhere. This was the first time I was afraid of the world around me. A few days later, my school planted a Unity Pole in the center of campus. I was at the ceremony and it was really beautiful to see all of us come together. It seemed like our entire country was coming together to try and process everything that happened. I was very proud to be an American during this time. All of us coming together, working together, uplifting one another, THAT is the true spirit of America. It's sad we can't be like that in 2020. We'd probably be in a much better place if we weren't so divided. If we could be just as connected as we were back then, we would get through anything. One way we can honor those who died on 9/11 is to come together in our current circumstances. The coronavirus has killed nearly 200,000 of our American brothers and sisters. We can't fight each other anymore. We need to find our American spirit again.
Humans, by nature, are not big fans of change. When things change, a few things happen: we bitch, we moan, and we carry on like petulant children. On the flip side of that, we hate when our lives don't get better. Humans have some serious problems!
Now, if you decide to make changes that will alter your life in a positive way, not everyone is on board. How friggin insane is that?! You decide to lose weight, people will gripe that you're "losing too much weight" and you "looked better before." People will complain if you tell them you're going to therapy, or a 12 step program. People will respond with "you're not crazy, you don't need a shrink," or "you don't have a drinking/drug problem. It's the covid era. Life is easier when intoxicated." You just can't win. What you CAN do is make healthy choices for you, and fuck what everyone else thinks. I recently went through a process of change. I had my heart broken, and I was betrayed by several friends. I gained weight, and I was just plain miserable. No one knew. After all the drama went down, I was physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally drained. I spent 48 hours in a daze, and the rest of that week trying to regroup. The following week, I worked on my physical strength (working out and eating right), and my emotional/mental/spiritual strength. I was finding a strength that I never knew I had, and for the first time ever, my self-esteem was increasing. I began to find myself and I began to love myself. Not everyone has liked the changes I have been going through. I've had friends who have questioned my sanity. No one is used to me having self-esteem. My role has always been one where I've been the outcast, misunderstood, and broken friend. Always single, never going from one guy to the next. I've also been known as the DUFF (designated ugly fat friend). I accepted that role for the longest time...until now. For the first time ever, I'm standing on top of the world, and breathing in happiness, peace, love, and strength. People can talk all they want about me making changes in my life, but I'm doing what's right for me, and what's right for my family. When I'm happy and at peace, my son is happy and at peace. His well-being means as much to me as my own well-being. Don't ever apologize for making yourself a priority. Don't apologize for your 'glow up.' This is your time to friggin shine. The right people will be along for the ride. Don't give up on you and your happiness. You will regret it if you do. Get you some of YOU! |
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