 credit: downloadsource.net For the last few years, we've seen many public figures giving up social media because they have been dragged so much. Spectators and the media have called many of these public figures "cowards" for opting out of social media websites. Chrissy Teigan is the latest celebrity to give up social media after being dragged by online bullies. In the months leading up to her departure from Twitter, she was documenting the unimaginable pain associated with losing a child (her third child was stillborn in September 2020). Many users got on her for oversharing her grief, saying she's "looking for attention." She also received a ton of criticism for endorsing now-President Joe Biden. What really sent Chrissy Teigan to quit Twitter was backlash from her business partnership with Kris Jenner. Others public figures have opted out of social media due to sexism, racism, xenophobia, body-shaming, homophobia, transphobia, and more. This leads a lot of people to wonder if opting-out is actually effective in combating online abuse.  While leaving social media can stop the abuse directed AT you, it will not stop abuse from occurring. Even with measures in place, social media platforms are falling short when it comes to protecting their users. Either social media platforms are doing TOO much (Facebook flags every single thing as being abusive, and puts everyone in FB jail. You can say "cock" and be jailed for 30 days), or they aren't doing enough. I've seen A TON of abuse on Twitter, and these people are repeat offenders. Twitter doesn't do anything to stop it. Instagram doesn't have any concrete measures in place in order to combat online abuse. Social media needs better filters in place in order to flag content considered racist, sexist, xenophobic, transphobic, homophobic, and body-shaming. Additionally, they need to stop flagging swear words that aren't offensive, such as "cock," and "cunt."
One of my exes would actually hack my account on a quarterly basis. A few times, he would send messages to people from my account, causing all kinds of drama (he actually ended one of my relationships doing this).I was also the victim of a ton of online bullying. People would DM me saying that I was fugly and that my kid is ugly. I had enough. I did make a new account because this website's FB page needed a host profile. I only added close friends and family on this new profile. I don't share anything personal at all. It is possible to avoid the online hate if you have to be online. Don't make personal stuff public, and never overshare your life. Never give people ammo that they can use against you. What ever you DO post, be prepared for any type of response. Honestly, the best response is no response/report user/block user. Don't lash out. If you have an online business, lashing out at a hater is one way you can ruin your own reputation, and your business's reputation.  Anyway, being completely off social media definitely helps get the bullies and hate off your back. However, it is still infecting the social media platforms, looking for its next victim. If you HAVE to be on social media, don't engage the online haters. Don't overshare personal details about your life. Since I work online, my entire life online is professional. I will let out some details about my life, but it will never be deeply personal. I'm not a YouTuber, I'm not one of those internet personalities that will overshare for clout. You won't see that from me. I create content that interests me, and may interest you. I may use experiences from my own life to make it more personable, and to help others in the same situation. If you have to be on social media, if you see something that is of a bullying nature: screenshot it, report it to the social media platform (and/or the police), and block the bully. Be safe online, and make choices that are healing to your soul. #socialmedia #onlinebullying #facebook #instagram #twitter #lifestyleblogger #amblogging #onlinewriter #blogging #advice
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 photo credit: aconsciousrethink.com The term "gaslighting" has become a buzzworthy word in our vocabulary. It's been used to describe the most toxic individuals in our lives. These people can be anyone, from a parent, to a lover, to a sibling, to a best friend, etc. Sometimes we don't even realize that these people are causing so much trauma in our lives, until it's too late. They have become so methodical in their psychological manipulation of our psyche. We go with it because we don't know any better. Gaslighters are typically abusive, narcissistic, cult leaders, clergy members, and dictators.  To better understand a gaslighter, lets look at the definition and signs of a gaslighter:
How can you tell that someone is a Gaslighter?
 These are just a few of the signs to look out for in a suspected gaslighter. These gaslighters feed off of confusion and weakness. The more you show of both, the more turned on the gaslighter gets. If you have a close friend who is a gaslighter, it can be a rough situation. This is someone you have chosen as your non-blood family. You have great times together, and you've practically grown up together. While all of that is great, what about the meat of the friendship? How do they treat you in both good times and bad? Do they ever turn all of the attention on themselves? Do they take a traumatic event in your life, and spotlight their own semi-traumatic event? When you call them out on it, do they get mad? Do you ever put in all of the grunt work in the friendship (leaving your phone on all night long in case they need to talk, staying on the phone for hours while they sob about the person they are dating, etc), but they cannot do the same? How about good situations? Do they try to take credit for your good situation, or do they try to outshine you? These are all questions you need to ask yourself. Friendships are 50/50. It's not a competition. It's not a power struggle. Friendships are your chosen family.  Can you break away from your gaslighter friend? Absolutely! It's not easy though. It's important to know the signs. It's important to ask yourself questions about whether this is a healthy friendship for you. It doesn't matter if you have been friends with this person for 5 years, 19 years, 30 years, 40 years, etc. If a friendship is toxic, it needs to end. It may take time for you to gather the strength to end the friendship. Again, it won't be easy. You will lose a few friends along the way (these are the people that the gaslighter tricked into hating you). You will go through a small period of time trying to put out fires. The longer a friendship is, the more fires you need to put out (people will be questioning your sanity because you ended such a long friendship). The gaslighter will be fueling the flames by talking massive amounts of shit about you on social media. If people believe that person, you don't want them in your life anyway. What the gaslighter says doesn't matter. Life does get a lot easier afterward. You will find that the drama in your life has lowered exponentially. You will feel light and free, better than you have felt in years. I will say this: do not stoop to their level and blast them on social media. Two wrongs don't make a right. Let them sink themselves. Be the bigger person and move forward. I guarantee you, while you are living your best life months later, they will still have your name in their mouth, low-key blasting you on social media. Let them do their thing. I guarantee you, everyone is getting sick and tired of the person constantly bitching about a friendship that ended several months ago. If you are currently being gaslit by a close friend, please take an evening to evaluate the friendship. Write things down, like a pro/con list. Imagine your life without this person. Meditate. Really look inward and channel your soul. If your heart, brain, soul, every fiber of your being, is saying "end the friendship," you have your answer. You know what you have to do. When you do end the friendship, don't let the person manipulate you. End it and leave. If they couldn't respect you during your entire friendship, why should you respect them during the dissolving of the friendship? I hope this helps someone. #gaslighting #psychology #mentalabuse #friendships
 It goes without saying that the last year has been the most chaotic and stressful in recent memory. The world was enveloped in a nasty pandemic, and our lives were completely turned upside down. People lost jobs, kids were taken out of school, money was extremely tight, and we lost loved ones. In several countries, we saw a serious increase in human trafficking, slavery, child brides, rapes, and domestic violence. As humans, we aren't equipped to handle such extreme and sudden changes. We revolt, rebel, take it out on other people, and we even take it out on ourselves. According to statistics, depression rose exponentially during the lockdowns. We watched the pandemic get played out in the Presidential Election last year. At that point, the pandemic became less of a health crisis, and more like a political arena. This didn't help the average citizen much, as we all struggled to understand and deal with changes. Many of us are guilty of being too hard on ourselves during the pandemic. We scold ourselves for not saving money, we scold ourselves for being furloughed, and we scold ourselves for not being stricter with our kids during distance learning. We get mad at ourselves when we cannot focus working from home. It's a lot of stress, and we end up taking it out on everyone. Self-Compassion Self-compassion can help us better deal with the stressors of our new normal. Self-compassion is made up of 3 main components: mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity.
 There are many ways we can engage in self-compassion (below are a few ideas):
Self-forgiveness is a part of self-compassion, and it consists of accepting oneself as their are. We accept ourselves, despite our flaws and negative judgment from others. You may be wondering: "I don't have time for this. I have to make money. I have to feed my babies. I have to clean this damn house. I have too much going on, and everyone is depending on me. I can't start this shit during a pandemic." Honestly, there is no better time to start this than DURING a pandemic. If you utilize these skill now, there is NOTHING that can bring you down. It will make you less self-critical, and it will make you a much better partner, parent, and employee. Better yet, it will help you sleep better and feel better. Best of all, it's FREE! Here's some more information about self-compassion: Self-Compassion (self-compassion.org) I've been doing the same program, and it helps tremendously.   Just when I thought this issue was behind me, it rears its ugly head. In February 2013, my life changed forever. I was working 2 CNA jobs, and I was resting before my next shift. I got up from the couch, and experienced horrible amounts of pain. Nevertheless, I tried pushing through it. I got to my car, and was on my way. The pain was excruciating. It felt like the bones in my back were being crushed, and I felt like my legs would explode. I didn't make it a mile down the road. I went home, and prayed for this pain to go away. The pain didn't go away. The situation with my back got worse. There were weeks at a time where I couldn't walk. Even breathing hurt. I was miserable, and I was bringing everyone with me for the ride. In 2014, I was connected with my neurosurgeon. He had me undergo a discography to pinpoint which discs were diseased. Doctors did that by injecting dye into the discs in order to inflict pain. They tried all of my discs. When they got down to L4/L5, I thought I was going to die. The pain was the worst I've ever experienced in my life. I felt like I was in a scene from "Susperia." I was in such horrible pain, that I was biting down on a towel so I didn't scream. As painful as it was, I felt validated. I had doctors tell me that the back pain was due to obesity, depression, etc. One doctor wanted to put me in impatient treatment for mental illness. The pain I received from the discography was a middle finger to the people who didn't believe my pain was real. I was approved for surgery right away. That surgery took place on June 10, 2014. Several months later, I wasn't any better. According to MRIs and Xrays, my surgery failed. While it did relieve a little bit of that severe pain, I was still having issues after that surgery. In March of 2017, I was approved for a revision surgery.  March 14, 2017: Surgery #2 The day of the revision surgery, there was a "blizzard" hitting the area. I went in a day early because the governor was closing the roads. I had no loved ones in the hospital with me when I had my surgery, and it was pretty scary. I didn't see anyone until the next day. In the months following this surgery, I was doing MUCH BETTER. In fact, I was pain-free for the first time since February 2013! I was excited, and I was starting my life back up again. I started a new job, moved into my own place, and I was living the life I was dreaming about since the pain started. I even got back together with a guy from my past. Life was perfect!
In September 2017, I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified because I was still recovering from March's surgery (it takes a year to heal from spinal fusions). I was emotionally and spiritually attached to the baby I was carrying, so abortion was NOT AN OPTION. I went into the pregnancy knowing that my could seriously fuck up my back for the rest of my life. I held out hope that I could be wrong. I had my son, and I've been raising him as a single mom ever since. Up until recently, my back has been holding up pretty well! Over a month ago, I decided to shovel snow for my dad. That pain came back. Since then, I've been living in a familiar discomfort. My back has been pained, crampy, and occasionally throbbing. I've had numbness and weakness in both legs, and when the pain is really bad, it affects walking. This morning, I visited my neurosurgeon's office for a checkup. I have some nerve root compression, and my Xrays showed that I have Grade 1 Retrolisthesis in both L3/L4 and L5/S1 (these are above and below where I have my hardware). On top of all of that, the rest of my spine is destabilizing (I pretty much have the spine of a 60+ year old right now). Next month I have an MRI scheduled, as well as another follow-up. In the meantime, I have been told to avoid ALL strenuous activities. Now this presents a problem because I have a toddler that loves to be picked up and held. He also loves to play with me on the floor. He is insanely active, so I have to be ready at all times to grab him out of harm's way. I know that if I don't modify things, I could be looking at another surgery, or I could be disabled. The one thing I am good at is coming up with solutions to my problems. I want to avoid getting into my own head, and beating myself up. I did that for years, and I pushed a lot of people away. I have a lot more at stake, and I have 32lbs of inspiration in my toddler. I'm also a lot stronger, mentally. It's a lot, but I won't lay down my sword in surrender. I'm battling back, and I will win. I always win.  credit: thetalko.com Dear Gen Z, We get it. We are old. The last thing you want to do is deal with old fogies trying to keep their generation's fads going. My generation grew up with grunge, big hair, boy bands, flair jeans, REAL hip hop, flannel shirts, Jncos, vinyl, cassettes, CDs, VHS, and more. You tell us on the daily that we don't know the struggles of youth. *insert sarcasm* After all, we were never young. We didn't deal with growing pains. We didn't have cataclysmic events that turned our world upside down. *end sarcasm* We understand that covid era sucks, but you aren't the first generation to endure hardships. My generation's grandparents and great-grandparents (your ancestors) lived through the depression and World Wars. Our parents watched the assassinations of JFK and Martin Luther King Jr. That generation also dealt with a ton of social justice issues. My generation, the Xennials, were preschoolers when the Challenger exploded on national TV (I remember watching it on the TV. I was too young to understand everything that happened, but I knew it was very bad). We had relatives who fought in Desert Storm. We were in junior high when the Oklahoma City Bombing occurred. People got into physical fights over Biggie and Tupac (I remember seeing this in school. It was one of the craziest things I've ever seen). In 2001, we watched from our college dorms as planes flew into buildings in NYC (I was a freshman in college, and saw the second plane hit the WTC on live TV. By far the scariest thing I've ever seen. My family lost dear friends on that day). This was the darkest day of our generation. It was a day that I will never forget. I watched dozens of cars trying to leave my college campus in a panic. Some of them didn't know that the borders of Connecticut and NY were closed. Some didn't care. They were going to get through and see their families, come hell or high water. Our generation was well into the workforce when the 2008 recession hit. I was working retail management when the recession hit. I was expected to receive an increase in salary that year. I didn't receive my raise because the company froze wages for a year. When it comes to fashion, we get it. The older folks "know nothing" about fashion. In the 1980s and 1990s, fashion evolved countless times. Even Madonna couldn't keep up. You guys might cringe when you see us putting side parts in our hair, and you may cringe when we wear skinny jeans. All I gotta say to you is: deal. with. it. It is tiring to raise kids as opinionated as you, and while we encourage you to have these strong opinions, the least you can do for us is allow us to be comfortable. Sure, you may want to "cancel" us for our various crimes against fashion and life. Sometimes we want to VETO you for being TOO opinionated. The instability between our generations needs to stop. In a perfect world, we'd be able to come up with common ground. However, since you guys are young and think you know everything, I guess I will have to get a little nasty. On behalf of my generation, and the generations before us: Take your cancel culture, your aversion for side parts, laugh emojis, and skinny jeans, and shove it up your TikTok! Speaking of TikTok: #Xennial #Millennials #GenZ #Boomers #TikTok #socialmedia #Twitter #blogging #WednesdayWisdom #blog
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