Last year was tough on all of us. We dealt with a pandemic, crazy ass people, a Jerry Springer-style election, and the slow return to normalcy (this year). Outside of the pandemic, many of us dealt with personal struggles. I've spoken about some of my struggles in various blog posts. I will sum it up for those who haven't read them: I dealt with a spiritual shunning from my Church (I asked a question about Donald Trump and I was put on blast, and shunned). A woman I was best friends with for 19 years betrayed me in horrible ways. A guy I was into broke my heart (I actually just got over him in the last few months). I reinjured my back, and I am looking at my 3rd spinal surgery in the next few months. I'm a single mom of a developmentally delayed and nonverbal 3 year old boy, so I've been getting him into special therapy sessions, and getting him ready for preschool in the fall. It's an understatement to say that I've had a lot on my plate. Just like everything else in life, I deal and power through.
Anyways, before I returned to my food addiction (I've had a food addiction since age 8), I was drinking a lot of wine at night. I did this in the spring and mid-summer of 2020. On August 2nd 2020, I decided to abstain from alcohol. I've been successful ever since. I realized my root cause, and I fixed it. Unfortunately, since I had no appropriate coping skills, I started eating more. I put on 25-30lbs, and I was lethargic every day. For a few months this year, I was eating entire packages of cookies in one sitting, and eating a ton of sushi in one sitting. I was overdosing on carbs, and I didn't care at the time.
In June of 2021, I realized that I didn't want to gain anymore weight. I needed to relearn a proper relationship with food. Before I did that, I needed to find the root cause of my food addiction. I went WAAAAYYYY back. I realized that I didn't have positive role models to teach me how to appropriately handle stress, anxiety, loneliness, depression, anger, pain, etc. I had zero positive coping skills. I needed to learn some if I wanted to get on the road to recovery.
One day, as I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw a sponsored ad about paint pouring. I had been a huge fan of all mediums, so I watched the video. The video changed everything for me. The woman doing the pouring was making this beautiful abstract shape, and you could witness all the cells on the painting popping out. She then spun the painting around on a lazy Susan, and it was mesmerizing! The painting told this poetic story, and it inspired me to explore this. I was feeling this art medium in the pit of my soul. I needed to try it, come hell or high water!
When I finally received my supplies, I embarked on my journey as a paint pour artist. My first paint pour came out beautifully. When the colors hit the canvas, it made these incredible waves. In some areas, I had cells appearing. I had joined a paint pouring group on FB, and uploaded a photo of the painting. Everyone really liked it, and they gave me ideas for names. One person welcomed me to my new addiction. She's right. I'm addicted, I'm hooked!
Paint pouring has become a solace. It's a way for me to release what I'm feeling in my soul, and put it on a canvas. One of my friends said that my paintings are energy pieces. It's true! I put my soul into what I'm doing, and sometimes the pieces don't come out well. For example, a few days ago, I was working on 2 paintings. They came out shitty. I initially blamed it on being sick with a cold. It wasn't that. I wasn't focused because I was on the phone (the person I was talking to was spewing Bible verses at me. Look, I'm down with G.O.D., but I don't do the radical shit). The whole conversation was weighing on me in a negative way, and it felt like poison to my soul (she took issue with me saying that I listen to my soul more than anything. She said I needed to listen to God. Personally, I feel like God is in all of us, and he or she isn't the Christian god It's a more loving entity). Yesterday I did 4 pieces, and they all came out amazing! There's one particular piece that I love above the others, but I need to add the silhouette of a woman to it. It's going to be mystical and breathtaking (I hope).
So, what is the point in all of this? The point is, we can all get to this place of healthy coping skills. We just need to really find out root cause for overeating, excessive drinking, drug addiction, sex addiction, dating losers, and more. We all are wired to find our comfort in other people. We can find all the comfort we need when we look within ourselves. Also, if you need an outlet, I highly recommend paint pouring. It's so much fun! It can be messy, though!
PS- I've been eating healthy since June 2021, and I'm down 5lbs! I've maintained a plant-based, Pollotarian (A pollotarian is someone who eats poultry but not red meat or pork products) diet since then.
#foodaddiction #healthyeating #weightloss #paintpouring #painting #art #artists